I Asked My Daughter

I asked my daughter the other day, as I drove her to school "How do you feel mommy is doing at this?" She looked at me a bit puzzled. I said "Tell me the truth, how is mom doing for you kids at this almost single mom thing? How is my attitude for you kids? Do you feel supported or do I need to improve on that?" Her answer was a surprise! She said "Your doing great mom, your just quiet A LOT, and I miss you talking more." WOW! *I'll remind her of that comment one day btw! ;)

This should have been my first sign of wrapping myself into the cocoon.  I have strived to be a bit more conversational with my kids. It's not easy when you have so much on your mind, and your children are not the people to share or unload those thoughts on. That is why I was unknowingly quite.  Believe there was plenty of 'talk' going on, it was just my inner dialog. ;)

Ive had moments this weekend that my patience was a bit shorter.  Being aware of this, I put myself in time out a couple of times this weekend.  I wanted the kids to continue to laugh and act up, even though I found myself in a sole searching mode. So I would come to my room, and I know they felt me doing this. As we sat down for scripture study tonight, I felt a need to express my apologies to the kids if they felt mommy was not herself. I assured them of my love for them, and that even mommies need time out sometimes. Then I said "Lets do something new for us. Lets make a prayer list for our family. Lets each share something we need help with, and help each other pray this week for those needs to be met.  My youngest popped up and said "I want a new Lego set!" I giggled and told him were talking about ways we need Heavenly Fathers blessings in our lives. (So cute though!)  As we each shared something we needed help with, it hit me I needed to be sure to include daddy in our list. Daddy will always be a part of our lives, even if he is living in another state now. We can always include him in our prayers no matter the circumstances or trials.

Im really glad we did this!  It ended up being a good exercise and teaching moment for the kids and myself included. We added what we felt daddy would want on his list, and even though at first a couple of them resisted the idea. In the end we witnessed a softening of hearts.  A new level of tenderness, unity and love in our home.....

Beautiful Heartbreak

Cocoon

Have you ever felt you are a little caterpillar?  Your working so long, inching along every day.  Some days you get farther along your path than others.  Then there's the moment you find yourself wrapping yourself into a cocoon. You quiver as the wind blows as you are wrapped tight onto this lief and the rain comes down.  You feel so little and vulnerable, so you stay in that cocoon longer....waiting till you think it's safe to come out.  Waiting till you feel you have grown into that beautiful butterfly, with wings outstretched and ready to finally FLY....

I have realized I go into my cocoon every now and then.  It's times like this I am craving the time to myself, safety, and the time to sole search...quiet the noises of the world and really wrap myself up to both protect and grow into something more. Lately Ive gone into my cocoon again.  There is a degree of peacefulness and security I get when in this web of fabric. But I know I can't always stay here.  The world knows me more as a bubbly, happy, outgoing & social personality.  That is who I am, but every now and then it feels nourishing to my sole to pull back, and rebuild myself spiritually and emotionally a bit. I know I can't stay here too long, for it would not be good at a point.  I am not sure exactly when I will have my wings, but much like a beautiful butterfly, I know when I do decide to break out of my cocoon, I will be ready to spread my wings and FLY!!!!

Beautiful Heartbreak

I Have No Problems....

I must apologize for not posting for a while. There has been a lot going on. Some good and some moments of sadness or emptiness. I realized that I need to be cautious about what I post to protect myself and my children, but I somehow still want to help others that find themselves in my same situation.  However today is a day, I wonder if I even have the ability to help anyone, or if I really should just stick my head into a hole, to spare others.  But something keeps telling me to make something beautiful of my situation.  This IS part of the journey.

So I think I need to focus on simply overcoming challenges of life, more than all about the marriage aspect. Really the principles apply the same, no matter the challenge were looking at. This is why I decided on the above photo.  The small caption really helps us put life into perspective. "I have no problems, just challenges."  When we use the word "Problems" it automatically rolls our shoulders forward, and immediately brings our emotional and spiritual strength down. Think about it...This word comes with 100% burden.  However the word "CHALLENGES" almost brings up a sort of strength we can muster to bust through it, and show ourselves and others what we are made of! LEST RISE TO THE CHALLENGE!  So it is my goal, to take away the 'P' word, and replace it with Challenge!  This reminds me I can over come it, as long as I rely on my Heavenly Father, focus hard, set goals and NGU!!! (NEVER GIVE UP!!!)  Will you do this with me?

<3
Beautiful Heartbreak